Part of the family

By Melissa Grant
YOU can pick your friends but not your family.
That’s how the saying goes, however Gary and Alma Elliott may beg to differ.
The Pakenham couple have three biological daughters – Nicole, Carla and Chelsie – but to them, there is another.
South African Cathy Vorster, who first met the couple during a student exchange trip more than two decades ago, could lay claim to being the eldest of the Elliott clan.
“We just seemed to click like a family with her,” Gary said.
Alma is quick to agree: “In our family she became the eldest daughter.”
Letters, Christmas cards, phone calls, and more recently emails have been continuously exchanged between Cathy and the Elliotts over the last 22 years.
Cathy spent three months with the Elliotts in 1986-87, as part of her student exchange program, run by the Rotary Club of Pakenham. She also stayed with another three Pakenham families during her 12-month stay.
Since Cathy’s exchange as an 18-year-old, she has visited the Elliotts twice – for Nicole’s wedding in 1994 and seven years ago for Christmas with her children and mother in tow.
But last August was the first time Gary and Alma visited Cathy, now 40, on her home turf, an experience which was insightful and emotional.
The five-and-a-half week trip included visits to Cathy’s father, brother and sister, as well as trips to Zimbabwe and Botswana.
Gary and Alma, through contact with Cathy, knew what life was like in South Africa but the visit was still an eye-opener.
“We always knew they lived in gated communities and had barred windows on their houses and dogs for security, but it’s different when you go there and you’re actually living the same as them,” Alma said.
“Every night we slept with barred windows and security gates but at no time did we feel unsafe, threatened or endangered.”
Gary said the trip was a long time coming.
“We’ve been promising for years to go,” he said.
“It’s a nice place to go and visit. It’s different to here but it’s worth the effort to go and have a look and to see how another part of the world works.”
Alma said it was difficult to say goodbye to Cathy.
“It was a very emotional farewell at the airport, I can tell you,” she said.
“I actually sent an email to her sister when we got home to thank her, and she said nobody in the family was allowed to mention the names Alma and Gary because she (would) just burst into tears.”
But Gary predicted it wouldn’t be the last time the couple visited Cathy’s home country.
“We’re quite sure we will go back,” he said.
The Rotary Club of Pakenham, as well as other Rotary clubs across the state, still run the student exchange program.
Club president Tim Ahern said the program offered a unique opportunity that would remain with an individual for the rest of their life.
“The purpose of the Rotary Youth Exchange program is to provide secondary school students with the opportunity to travel abroad, live with a host family, and experience life first-hand in a different country, school, and social environment,” he said.
“Exchange students will gain lifelong advantages through an expanded world view and greater appreciation of the world.”
Gary, a former Rotarian, said the exchange program was a good chance for people to exchange cultures. Alma added lasting friendships could be made, but it depended on the situation.
“You feel a bond when they’re here with you if it’s right, but you just don’t know if it’s going to last,” she said.