LIKE an old, tired clock, the Fast and Furious franchise is slowly winding down.
The original was fresh and exciting. Number two was a little rough. Number three hung in there, despite having a distinct lack of Vin Diesel and Paul Walker.
Number four showed definite signs of having lost it.
And number five … well, to paraphrase another film, number five is not alive.
Everyone is going through the motions here, with little motivation beyond a paycheck – and it shows.
This incarnation is known as “Fast Five” which is about the coolest thing about it.
It’s hard to pick who is the biggest dud here: the cartoonish plot, Vin Diesel so laid-back he’s almost a shadow, or the new heights of silliness reached by Dwayne Johnson. The Rock is so swollen it looks like he’s having an allergic reaction.
His team of freaks, who are hunting the car thieves, look like caricatures from the cover of “Soldier of Fortune” rather than any recognisable law enforcement officials.
The film’s producers have reached the point where they can’t make cars and beeyatches interesting to men.
Strangely, “her indoors” quite liked it, which serves only as confirmation that the movie-makers have entirely missed their target market.
– Jason Beck
